We’ve all had to deal with cops who are way too amped up on their own swagger. Maybe you rolled through a stop sign at a desolate intersection or maybe you were minding your business, just puffing a spliff in a park on beautiful day, and then all of the sudden you find yourself accosted by a po-po eager to remind you how much power he has. Staring into the reflective sunglasses of a guy with a gun, smiling at you with a grin that makes it clear that he’s fantasizing about doing something really, really bad to you is one of the scariest situations you can find yourself in. But you know what can make coming face to face with a pissed off cop even worse? When he’s drunker than Charles Bukowski at the racetrack.
According to the LA Times, “There has been a dramatic upswing in the number of Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies arrested for alcohol-related offenses in recent years, suggesting a growing drinking problem within the department.”
The article proceeds to reveal details of drunk cops puking all over the place and extremely creepy stories like this one: “In one case, a deputy followed a bar hostess to her car, flashed his badge, told her he’d ‘like to molest her’ and kissed her on the neck. He displayed his handgun before kissing her again, according to the report. The deputy pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of disturbing the peace and was suspended for 15 days.”
Despite this flagrantly dangerous and increasingly problematic situation, the police unions have opposed attempts to crack down on this behavior, saying that it would “endanger deputies.” So let’s get this straight: the unions are saying that it will be better not to regulate drunk, armed, off-duty cops than to protect everyone else from some wasted officer who wants to, say, snatch your fajitas. That’s fuct.
In related news, police are now officially allowed to wield machetes on coke and throw darts at people while huffing nitrous balloons .