Posts Tagged ‘goldman sachs’

Meet the Guys Who Are Punking America

July 29, 2009
There's a good reason why he looks like he's laughing at us.

There's a good reason why Lloyd Blankfein looks like he's laughing at us.

Michael Lewis posted an Onion-esque op-ed online today titled Bashing Goldman Sachs Is Simply a Game for Fools.”

In “dispelling” the rumor that all Goldman employees look alike, he writes:

“Several recent newspaper photos have revealed that a surprising number of Goldman Sachs workers are white, male and bald. That non-Goldman people glance at such photos and think “Holy crap, they even look alike!” just shows how deeply anti- Goldman bigotry runs in American life.

We at Goldman represent unique clusters of DNA; if we bear some faint surface resemblance to one another, and to creatures from the 24th century, it is only because our superior powers of reasoning lead us to hold in our minds exactly the same thoughts, at exactly the same time.

A shared disinterest in growing hair, for instance, isn’t a coincidence of nature but an expression of healthy like- mindedness.

“The world is a pool table,” our naked-headed CEO likes to tell us. “And all the people in it are either stripes or solids. You alone are the cue balls.”

Indeed, not a single one of these bandits at Goldman bears a lick of resemblance to the Gordon Gecko archetype that I always envision when I picture Wall Street fat cats…

He's laughing at us, too, but he's better at hiding it.

Neel Kashkari is laughing at us, too, but he's better at hiding it.

This guy can't wait for you to turn away so he can laugh so more without feeling kind of guilty at the sad look on your face.

Gary Cohn can't wait for you to turn away so he can laugh some more without feeling kind of guilty about the sad look on your face.

This laughed so hard that he needs to change his pants... and his socks and his shoes.

Jon Winkelried laughed so hard that he needs to change his pants... and his socks and shoes.

She heard the real money is at Goldman Sachs, so she's getting ready for the big job interview.

Britney heard the real money is at Goldman Sachs, so she's getting ready for the big job interview.

This guy is just an intern now, but you can tell he's gonna go places, he's got "the Goldman look"

This guy is just an intern now, but you can tell he's gonna go places, he's got "the Goldman look"

Bernie Madoff is a Purse-Snatcher Compared to These Guys

July 17, 2009
An artist's rendition of the Goldman Sachs business model

An artist's rendition of the Goldman Sachs business model

After thoroughly exposing Goldman Sachs as a “giant vampire squid” in his recent Rolling Stone article “The Great American Bubble Machine,” Matt Taibbi follows it up with a must-read response to the news of Goldman’s record profits and impending bonus bonanza. You can check out the whole take-down on his blog over at True/Slant, but here’s a quick preview:

“Last year, when Hank Paulson told us all that the planet would explode if we didn’t fork over a gazillion dollars to Wall Street immediately, the entire rationale not only for TARP but for the whole galaxy of lesser-known state crutches and safety nets quietly ushered in later on was that Wall Street, once rescued, would pump money back into the economy, create jobs, and initiate a widespread recovery. This, we were told, was the reason we needed to pilfer massive amounts of middle-class tax revenue and hand it over to the same guys who had just blown up the financial world. We’d save their asses, they’d save ours. That was the deal.

We constructed this massive bailout infrastructure, and instead of pumping that free money back into the economy, the banks instead simply hoarded it and ate it on the spot, converting it into bonuses. So what does this Goldman profit number mean? This is the final evidence that the bailouts were a political decision to use the power of the state to redirect society’s resources upward, on a grand scale. It was a selective rescue of a small group of chortling jerks who must be laughing all the way to the Hamptons every weekend about how they fleeced all of us at the very moment the game should have been up for all of them.”

What the hell are they going to do when they’ve drained the tax-payers drier than a Mormon on Sunday, start harvesting our organs?

And what’s it going to take for people to get outraged enough to actually fight back against this monumental extortion? Well, getting more guys like this on American TV programs would certainly be a good start…

DISCLAIMER: I know we already have plenty of name-calling, fire-breathing populists like Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly on the air, but this guy actually knows what he’s talking about. Big difference.