I’ll Take the Greasy Pelican Nuggets With the Diesel Dipping Sauce

This man owes you a fucking oyster po' boy.

Although I’m sure there was no shortage of them at the yacht race that Tony Hayward jaunted off to last weekend, oysters are about to get a lot scarcer for the rest of us “small people.”  The Gulf oil spill is destroying this year’s oyster harvest and even forcing the removal of these tasty mollusks from Red Lobster’s menu, according to the Orlando Sentinel. (Full disclosure: I own a ton of stock in Red Lobster… just kidding, I don’t stock in anything and I’ve never even seen the inside of a Red Lobster.)

Back to the point: Thanks to BP, not only do the Gulf Coast beaches look like the inside of a baby’s dirty diaper, but now they’re fucking up the BBQ’s, too. BP has to be the worst thing to happen to summer since summer school was invented.

BP's catch of the day.

Last year a report came out saying that seafood will disappear from menus within the next 50 years due to over-fishing and pollution. I remember some folks in the media making a joke out of this impending disaster (“Better eat lots of sushi while I still can”). But now, it looks like that report might have been a little too generous in estimating how much longer we have before the only shrimp cocktails left will be wax museums…

Massive, swirling continents of floating plastic trash are quickly accumulating across the globe.

In efforts to re-legalize commercial whaling, Japan is trying to bribe delegates to the International Whaling Commission with prostitutes and cash.

Kevin Costner apparently know more about how to fix the oil disaster than actual oil companies.

At this rate, the rest of the living creatures living in the ocean will be lucky to last as long as a pack of sea monkeys.

Who wants to go for a dip?


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