Happy Father’s Day: Here’s What I Won’t Be Getting My Dad

Need some last minute shopping ideas? Well... don’t ask this guy.

Non-Recommendation #1

If you’re dad was a huge fan of the Nisour Square Massacre in Baghdad he’s sure to love this inspirational mousepad from the mercenary gang Blackwater. All proceeds go to cover transportation expenses for Blackwater founder Eric Prince, who is reportedly preparing to flee impending criminal indictments by moving to the United Arab Emirates, which doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.

Nothing says “I love you dad” like fascist office supplies.

Non-Recommendation #2

“Hey, dad, remember when we used to play catch in the front yard? Just you and me, tossing the football back and forth on a brisk Sunday afternoon… I can picture the golden leaves gently falling from the trees as the seasons turned. When you would tell me to “go long” and I would charge across the lawn with my arms open for the Hail Mary pass, I always felt so proud catching ball. Like a real man…

Anyway, isn’t it great that we never had to worry about  white phosphorous bombs melting our faces off? I hope you like this propaganda celebrating the continued oppression of Palestinian children…

It looks like AIPAC got Uncle Sam a new hat.

Non-Recommendation #3

One more thing I won’t be getting my dad this year: Anything from Wal-Mart. Not that I would have been shopping at Wal-Mart anyway, but this new story about how a young gay worker was “outed” by his boss, stripped of his responsibilities and forced to wear a yellow vest during work hours reminded me of what a terrible corporation this is.

Don't expect Walmart to be flying the rainbow flag anytime soon.

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