Why Doesn’t Nike Just Put the Homeless to Work in Their Sweatshops?

Remember when high tops with “pumps” started coming out in the early 90’s? Everyone knew it was a gimmick, but at least it made sense in theory. When you’re shooting hoops and you’re about to charge the paint for an in-your-face tomahawk dunk, you’ll want to pump some more air into your kicks to cushion the landing when you come thundering back down to earth, right?

But why the hell would you ever put audio production equipment inside of a shoe? The only reasoning I can think of behind this new ad campaign in Japan is that Nike needed to come up with something outrageously distracting to draw attention away from the fact that this multinational mega-corporation recently bought a public park from some shady Tokyo politicians and is now evicting all the homeless people.

This is the literal equivalent to shaking your shiny keys in front of a baby to make them forget about the shit in their diaper.

Remember the good old days before everything had to have something else built into it?

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