I Would Give You a Ride, But My Car is Just a Pile of Flaming Ashes

Even better than flame decals: Burning cars is looking to be a hot trend in 2010.

Yet  another indicator of our collapsing empire jumped out at me from the headlines today. Back in the roaring 90’s when there were stories about burning SUVs, the culprits were inevitably “eco-terrorists” like Jeff “Free” Luers – the young Oregonian who was initially sentenced to 22 years for burning 3 gas guzzlers on a car lot. Nowadays,  “desperate motorists behind on their car payments have turned to torching their Tahoes and burning their Blazers in hopes a payout from their insurer will reap a quick payoff.”

According to the Modesto Bee, suspected vehicle arson fraud jumped 31% from 2007 to 2008. Damn! They better slow down or there aren’t going to be any cars left for the rest of us to torch when the real shit goes down.

But seriously. I’m starting to think that there are more TV shows about criminal forensic investigation units than there are actual forensic investigation units. Doug Maner, who handles auto insurance fraud for Stanislaus County’s district attorney office, was quoted in the article as saying that the real arson numbers are probably higher, but they don’t have enough staff to look into all the fires.

In San Francisco, the Fire Department’s arson unit has been so de-funded and mismanaged that Elmer Carr, the captain from 1995 until 2005, recently called it “a joke.” (Maybe he’s just embarrassed that they haven’t been able to sniff out the infamous porta-potty arsonist, who has burned up about two dozen outhouses in the city recently.)

Either way, people burning their cars for insurance money is really nothing new. When people start burning their big screen, HD TVs because they can’t make the payments… that’s when you’ll know things are really about to get ugly.

Oh, just let it burn. I couldn’t even afford rims.

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24 Responses to “I Would Give You a Ride, But My Car is Just a Pile of Flaming Ashes”

  1. erinmoxam Says:

    Maybe some of them are just fed up with the trials of vehicular maintenance. I know some days I sure am.

  2. conradvisionquest Says:

    burning your car is so 1990’s. the new thing now is to drive towards a cliff and jump out just before it goes over. get with it.

  3. Citizen Pete Says:

    I can see it already: “Spontaneous Combustion allegations and Life Insurance wars: the new trend”

  4. Andrea Says:

    haha Great post!

  5. Soul Prana Says:

    Thats just mucked up..

  6. officebrownie Says:


  7. Slovie Says:

    I think the top photo is from America’s next top Model.

    • Thomas Stazyk Says:

      Actually the top picture reminds me of the time my niece rang the door bell and said, “Could you have a look at my car, something is wrong.”

      That’s about how it looked. The amazing thing was that after putting out the fire, and letting things cool down I was able to chisel apart the fused cables and start it.

  8. Maru Says:

    Oh well, being from underdeveloped country like mine (Argentina, South America) this does not surprise me. People here kind of do the same things , but they just need to leave their cars in a “dangerous zone”.. the car “disappears” and they get the insurance money for it. It usually works. People usually do so to buy better cars.

  9. dorkarama Says:

    Smokey Bear says “Only you can prevent SUV fires.”
    Smokey just wants attention.

  10. fluctuater Says:

    Awesome sight! Check on mine… for weight loss WOESSS


  11. publicfrenemy Says:

    Thanks for the hilarious/awesome comments everybody! If you’re on Twitter, hit me up @publicfrenemy and I’ll keep you updated on news, parties, random shit, etc.

  12. slamdunk Says:

    Good post. A sign of the times that is for sure.

  13. Lakia Says:

    I just came pass to say I liked the heading lol

  14. Oluwatoyin Says:

    very nice stuff

  15. vkdir Says:

    If I burn my car, will I get that girl?

  16. fluctuater Says:

    THANKS FOR VISITING fluctuater.wordpress.com


  17. softballgirl78 Says:

    Good post, it made me smile 🙂

  18. lifeaftereighty Says:

    Geez. I can think of nothing LESS American that cheating another American for personal gain. Passing the buck on to somebody else who didn’t over-spend in the first place.

    That, my fellow Americans, draws the line. Some idiot once said, “What goes around goes around.” OK.

    We can wait.

  19. arik Says:


    I liked it 🙂

    Have a nice day

  20. loveinotherplaces Says:

    i love that our empire is going up in flaming cars. and i love this blog right now :). thank you!

  21. The Best Articles Says:

    awsome post thanks 4 shareing

  22. Donny Ve Says:

    Hahaha, that’s pretty funny that some people think they can get away with this. Insurance fraud!

  23. Lino Cartlidge Says:

    Pretty wonderful entry, very educational information. Never thought I would find the facts I would like in this article. I’ve been scouring everywhere in the web for a while now and was starting to get frustrated. Thankfully, I stumbled across your website and acquired exactly what I had been hunting for.

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