Too Bad Muslims Have the Internet or This Could Have Been Our Little Secret

Duh — everybody knows that when Jesus comes back, he’s not going to join the Army. He’s going to take that shit over, kill all the bad guys, and everyone left alive is going to party at Disney Land with the singer from Creed.

U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan are using high-powered rifle sights inscribed with coded Bible references, according to ABC News. For example, a sight inscribed with the code “JN8:12”, refers to the gospel of John 8:12, which reads: “Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Apparently Trijicon, the Michigan-based company that has a $660 million contract to provide up to 800,000 of these holy gun scopes to the Army, interprets this passage to mean: “…And if you don’t follow me, I’ll bust a cap in your face.”

Meanwhile, spokespeople for the military have said they’re “discussing what  steps, if any,” to take. Wow. If they can’t figure that one out, no wonder they’re having so much trouble “winning” those wars against all those pissed off Muslim folks.

Tom Munson, director of sales and marketing for Trijicon, blamed a group that is “not Christian” for stirring up this controversy, but doesn’t see any problem with the inscriptions, saying that they “have always been there.” He must mean that they’ve been there for a really long time, like those “dinosaur bones” that the devil hid underground in a fiendishly Satanic attempt to trick true believers. Or maybe he meant that Jesus miraculously inscribes the weapons himself, like how He sometimes puts his face on tortillas and potato chips and stuff.

Alright, I'm gonna pass the "collection plate" around one more time...

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