Meet the Guys Who Are Punking America

There's a good reason why he looks like he's laughing at us.

There's a good reason why Lloyd Blankfein looks like he's laughing at us.

Michael Lewis posted an Onion-esque op-ed online today titled Bashing Goldman Sachs Is Simply a Game for Fools.”

In “dispelling” the rumor that all Goldman employees look alike, he writes:

“Several recent newspaper photos have revealed that a surprising number of Goldman Sachs workers are white, male and bald. That non-Goldman people glance at such photos and think “Holy crap, they even look alike!” just shows how deeply anti- Goldman bigotry runs in American life.

We at Goldman represent unique clusters of DNA; if we bear some faint surface resemblance to one another, and to creatures from the 24th century, it is only because our superior powers of reasoning lead us to hold in our minds exactly the same thoughts, at exactly the same time.

A shared disinterest in growing hair, for instance, isn’t a coincidence of nature but an expression of healthy like- mindedness.

“The world is a pool table,” our naked-headed CEO likes to tell us. “And all the people in it are either stripes or solids. You alone are the cue balls.”

Indeed, not a single one of these bandits at Goldman bears a lick of resemblance to the Gordon Gecko archetype that I always envision when I picture Wall Street fat cats…

He's laughing at us, too, but he's better at hiding it.

Neel Kashkari is laughing at us, too, but he's better at hiding it.

This guy can't wait for you to turn away so he can laugh so more without feeling kind of guilty at the sad look on your face.

Gary Cohn can't wait for you to turn away so he can laugh some more without feeling kind of guilty about the sad look on your face.

This laughed so hard that he needs to change his pants... and his socks and his shoes.

Jon Winkelried laughed so hard that he needs to change his pants... and his socks and shoes.

She heard the real money is at Goldman Sachs, so she's getting ready for the big job interview.

Britney heard the real money is at Goldman Sachs, so she's getting ready for the big job interview.

This guy is just an intern now, but you can tell he's gonna go places, he's got "the Goldman look"

This guy is just an intern now, but you can tell he's gonna go places, he's got "the Goldman look"

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