Best Thing to Happen to the Auto Industry Since the Invention of “Truck Nuts”

The best thing to happen to trucks since the invention of truck nuts: Free guns!

Buy one phallic symbol, get one free!

Good news: A savvy and patriotic entrepreneur has finally solved the problem that’s been vexing troubled car dealers across the country. So what was the trick for convincing cash-strapped consumers that now is the time to buy a big ol’ American truck? Three simple words: Free Assault Rifle.

Via The Telegraph (UK):

“A Missouri car dealer has taken a novel approach to combating the fall in US vehicle sales by offering a free Kalashnikov assault rifle with every truck, whether new or used. Mark Muller, whose business slogan is “God, Guns, Guts, and American Pick-Up Trucks”, said he had been overwhelmed by the response.

‘It’s extremely successful. There is a lot of worry about crime, we have a methamphetamine problem around here and people just want to protect themselves,’ said the boss of Max Motors near Kansas City. ‘And what could be better than supporting American products in these troubled times?’”

All you fancy Madison Avenue ad execs should slapping your foreheads right now. It’s like: DUH!

The big auto companies have been spending gobs of cash on marketing efforts to rebuild “trust” in their brands and all kinds of warm,fuzzy bullshit like that… but obviously the best way to make people start buying cars again is to bribe them with guns (lap dances would probably also work well). Somebody should make sure that Obama’s “car czar” gets the memo on this (He can file it in the “stuff only white people would try to get away with” section).

Anyway, we all know that any time anything is successful, the imitators can’t be far behind. I’m guessing it won’t be long until we see similar deals popping up all over the place.  Don’t be surprised if you see one of these offers coming soon to a storefront near you…

“Free sniper crossbow with purchase of a snow-mobile!”

“Buy a Segway, get a free machete”

“Score a new wheelchair and roll out with free nunchucks!”

“All roller-blades now come with a complementary set of brass knuckles”

“Purchase a kayak now and you’ll walk out with a sock full of lug nuts – no extra charge!”

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One Response to “Best Thing to Happen to the Auto Industry Since the Invention of “Truck Nuts””

  1. Caille Says:

    I really, really, REALLY hope you do a follow-up on this story.

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